Jesus and his unrequited love - 2023

Brunswick Temporary Gallery (now closed)

265 Lygon St. Brunswick, Melbourne

I have built my own nightmare, it is ugly and it is mean, I have served up patriarchy on a plate. 
There is a lot of me in this room right now, mostly my childhood but some of me now.

I have never believed in Ourfathergodjesusmanthing or religion but once as a punishment at high school I was forced to paint posters for the Easter celebration, I think my school counsellor organised it for me because I was arty – and because I wasn’t divulging my secrets in our scheduled half hourly weekly meetings (this was also a punishment from a previous incident).
I decided to paint Jesus nailed to the cross with copious amounts of blood pouring from his wounds, so much blood. I painted it pooled at the bottom of the page and creeping up the edges. I really like this painting, I was quite chuffed. 
Until of course in RE class we were read a story about the crucifixion and the bible stated that because Jesus was so bloody special, he hardly bled at all from his wounds when he was nailed to the cross and stabbed and speared and spat on and probably shat on too.

All people bleed but Jesus didn’t bleed, from one bible story my painting was rendered inaccurate, I was fucking pissed off. 
Then I thought about it, like really thought about it. I did not believe in Ourfathergodjesusmanthing so why was I feeling this way? Because I realised I was being lied to, bold, in my face, fucking lied to.

Now about 2 to 3 years ago I realised again that I was being lied to but this time it was my own head that was lying to me. I was being gaslit by my own fucking brain, as a survival strategy sure but still I am fucking angry again.

So here it is, my anger and the salvaged bits of information I have taken back from my own mind.
I can’t tell you what the work is about, because I really can’t remember.

The bible says that Jesus loves everyone, but I do not love him back.